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Tag Archives: satire

Scoring A HD In A Bachelor Of MSN

Scoring A HD In A Bachelor Of MSN

Degree Objectives Fooling people into thinking you have a life. Assuming your contacts have telepathic skills, relating to decoding your MSN display name, personal message and ‘music you’re listening to’. Connecting with people via short and ineligible phrases, plus symbols, to assert your coolness (“W@sarP gaL, haO Yo0H DOINZ?”) Perfecting …

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How To: Help Your Snake Friends

Have you ever wondered what to do about a friend whose actions don’t quite match up with their words? Here’s a step by step guide to empathising with your snake friend’s problems. This manual is designed to target and resolve the ‘issues’ of three specific snake-like friends. DISCLAIMER: Solutions are …

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Doctor’s Notes : Uni Student Edition

Doctor's Notes : Uni Student Edition

Date – Week 6 Patient Name – Every Uni Student Age – Too young for mid life crises, also a little premature for quarter life crises. Patient complains about – Regular bouts of “just can’t”s Physically not being able to become functional by 9am Caffeine dependency A last minute panic …

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Sweaty Bloke Concerned About Winter’s End

Sweaty Bloke Concerned About Winter's End

A resident sweat prone man and white t-shirt enthusiast has raised concerns about winter’s end for obvious reasons. Arthur Tillman, 31, has reportedly been tracking the incrementally rising August temperatures, and warns those with a similar condition to take heed. “This is ridiculous,” says Tillman. “The weather forecast has seen …

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Study Shows ‘Imagine Dragons’ Were Never Good

Study Shows 'Imagine Dragons' Were Never Good

A UNSW FASS study has indicated that trashlectric pop and alternashit rock band, Imagine Dragons, were never actually good. This comes to public knowledge in response to an overwhelmingly increasing rate of complaints by fans and otherwise regarding their supposed “… decline…”. “We felt we had a civic and humanitarian duty …

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Wholesome Bloke In Early Thirties Still Calls Mate’s Parents By Title Surnames

Wholesome Bloke In Early Thirties Still Calls Mate's Parents By Title Surnames

A wholesome local bloke in his early thirties is reportedly still calling his mate’s parents by their title and surnames despite having known them for well over a decade now. Martin Greer, 33, was sighted taking his shoes off at the door, and sheepishly making his way to the couch …

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DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

A groundbreaking study by ANSTO has confirmed once and for all that DIY restaurants and self-proclaimed culinary experiences are in fact bullshit. This revelation comes to light as the recent trend reaches a fever pitch in popularity. Many have already become disillusioned with the concept of paying to cook their …

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Uni Contributor Runs Out Of Motivation To Compose Punchy Article

Uni Contributor Runs Out of Motivation To Compose Punchline Article

[Satirical set-up here, try make it topical and format the same way a news site would.] [Additional follow up joke to elaborate on premise– make sure premise is clear.]   [Fake quote from exaggerated character (A)– either really in on the concept or painfully oblivious.] [Build on character based on …

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Local Vegan Feasts on Cardboard and Disappointment

A local vegan has taken to pretending her steady diet of cardboard and disappointment “… isn’t as shit as it sounds…”. Joy Sarrandon, 31, accounts executive at a Surry Hills PR firm, is reportedly surviving on three square meals of Samsung delivery boxes with a side of unfulfilled hunger, supplemented …

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Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

With the announcement of the latest budget, many are outraged at the rising university fees, a consequence of severe education funding cutbacks. But the worst is yet to come, as Treasurer Scott Morrison just called a press meeting to introduce a breathing taxation on all university students nation-wide. “Oh boo …

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As Adulthood Approaches, ’90s Kids’ Finally Shut Up About Being ’90s Kids’

'90s Kids' Finally Shut Up About Being '90s Kids' As Adulthood Approaches

It comes as a sad truth, but self-proclaimed ’90s kids’ find themselves finally shutting up about being ’90s kids’. The cause? Adulthood, and all the demoralising shit that comes with it. Bleak employment prospects, impossible economies, and a volatile political landscape quite literally liable to explode at any moment, web …

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Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% “Foreign” Ancestry

Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% "Foreign" Ancestry

A local Gen-Y Caucasian woman has proudly announced her 3.125% foreign ancestry. The news comes as Samantha Daniels, 27, learns of her genetic history through dubiously factual gossiping over a family roast dinner this recent Easter break. “I always felt I was more in touch with my non-white friends,” says …

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Australian Primary Schools Introduce History Of Sporting Sledges To Curriculum

Australian Primary Schools Introduces History of Sporting Sledges to Curriculum

The NSW Department of Education has announced that primary schools across the state will introduce Australia’s rich history of sporting sledges to the mandatory curriculum, in 2018. This proposed addition to what has been widely considered an “unexciting” national history learning outcome, has received an applaud from parents. “It’s perfect, just perfect,” says …

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Uni Student Celebrates Living In First World Country After Holiday To South-East Asia

Uni Student Celebrates Living in First World Country After Vacation to South-East Asia

A local university student has begun celebrating the fact that he lives in a first world country after returning from a month long holiday around South-East Asia. Darren Hill, 19, currently studying a bachelor of psychology at UTS, expressed his gratitude for Australia’s standard of living, going into detail on what …

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Students Shat On By Seagulls And The System

Students Shat On By The System And Seagulls

As if it wasn’t enough that the government pins uni students on the ground to squeeze girthy cables of debt and a dysfunctional housing market all over their chests on a daily basis, an unidentified perpetrator fed the seagulls at Central Station laxatives. The ensuing chemical reaction between avian life and …

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Hashtag Not Even Cool, Bro: Tinder

Hello again and welcome back to the fortnightly segment which literally nobody asked for. That’s right, ‘Hashtag Not Even Cool (Bro)’, for some unfathomable reason, is back for a third instalment so please try to contain your rapidly bulging excitement. As always before we begin the stirring of some sh*t, …

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