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Tag Archives: News

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

A groundbreaking study by ANSTO has confirmed once and for all that DIY restaurants and self-proclaimed culinary experiences are in fact bullshit. This revelation comes to light as the recent trend reaches a fever pitch in popularity. Many have already become disillusioned with the concept of paying to cook their …

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Uni Contributor Runs Out Of Motivation To Compose Punchy Article

Uni Contributor Runs Out of Motivation To Compose Punchline Article

[Satirical set-up here, try make it topical and format the same way a news site would.] [Additional follow up joke to elaborate on premise– make sure premise is clear.]   [Fake quote from exaggerated character (A)– either really in on the concept or painfully oblivious.] [Build on character based on …

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Local Vegan Feasts on Cardboard and Disappointment

A local vegan has taken to pretending her steady diet of cardboard and disappointment “… isn’t as shit as it sounds…”. Joy Sarrandon, 31, accounts executive at a Surry Hills PR firm, is reportedly surviving on three square meals of Samsung delivery boxes with a side of unfulfilled hunger, supplemented …

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New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

A relief fund has been founded for individuals unfortunate enough to be bestowed bogan names. The NGO known simply as For Unfortunately Characterised Kids Owning Failing First-names (F.U.C.K.O.F.F) comes public with this new monetary support system, with high hopes of alleviating the hefty burden associated with being terribly named. “It …

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Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

With the announcement of the latest budget, many are outraged at the rising university fees, a consequence of severe education funding cutbacks. But the worst is yet to come, as Treasurer Scott Morrison just called a press meeting to introduce a breathing taxation on all university students nation-wide. “Oh boo …

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As Adulthood Approaches, ’90s Kids’ Finally Shut Up About Being ’90s Kids’

'90s Kids' Finally Shut Up About Being '90s Kids' As Adulthood Approaches

It comes as a sad truth, but self-proclaimed ’90s kids’ find themselves finally shutting up about being ’90s kids’. The cause? Adulthood, and all the demoralising shit that comes with it. Bleak employment prospects, impossible economies, and a volatile political landscape quite literally liable to explode at any moment, web …

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10 Things Turning 10

10 Things Turning 10

2007 was a whopping 10 years ago! Here’s a few things we know and love that started out in 2007, making them a decade old! The iPhone Since coming into the market in 2007, the iPhone has changed our lives from the days of indestructible Nokias and flip phones. After selling …

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Students Shat On By Seagulls And The System

Students Shat On By The System And Seagulls

As if it wasn’t enough that the government pins uni students on the ground to squeeze girthy cables of debt and a dysfunctional housing market all over their chests on a daily basis, an unidentified perpetrator fed the seagulls at Central Station laxatives. The ensuing chemical reaction between avian life and …

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Just In: O-Week 2017

Just In: O-Week 2017

We rounded up the top three news stories for the week. #alternativefacts Instagram upgrades server in lieu of university students’ return from Europe As one year dawns, and another comes in its place, we face the cyclical beauty of nature. In light of their annual homebound migration from Europe, the native …

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Why Should You Watch: Mr. Robot ?

    Number 1: The Hacking isn’t People Slamming the Keyboard Now you may be asking what this means. In films like Hackers, or the Matrix, or Swordfish, when people want to hack any regards, all you see is a flurry of hand movements, cheesy lines like “Aaaaaaaaand we’re in”, and lines …

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Why Should You Watch: Vinyl ?

Number 1: It’s Created by Scorsese & Jagger Now, if you don’t know who Martin Scorsese or Mick Jagger is, I give you full permission to leave. No, I actually recommend you leave. Good, so let’s talk about these two guys. One if one of the most incredible directors of our …

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Review: Where To Invade Next

Hint: It’s not Australia Where To Invade Next is the latest film from acclaimed documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. You may have seen his documentaries such as Bowling For Columbine, Fahrenheit 9/11 or Roger & Me, all ace films in my opinion. Alternatively you may have seen him spoofed in The …

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Australian Fashion Designers Took on NYFW

New York Fashion Week (NYFW), is the beginning of the fashion calendar and sets the bar for the rest of the year in fashion. With designers showcasing AW16 collections, the pressure was on to deliver and our Australian designers came through! Tome left the audience in awe, capturing the hearts of …

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In Other News…

It’s the end of Semester guys! Yay! And more ‘yay’ for me as I don’t have exams! (#artstudentlyf #winwin) So I thought, in the spirit of nostalgia at the conclusion of another year, I would throw-back to some of my favourite news pieces from this Sem-though it was kind of …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH ‘It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.’ So begins George Orwell’s seminal (and suddenly foretelling) novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. It may have taken another 30 odd years, but turns out Orwell was right …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff ‘NO ES-CAP-EY’ SAYS DORY A Perth man made headlines last week for the wild and totally irrational ending to his two-hour police chase across sand dunes near Two Rocks in Western Australia. It wasn’t an expected ending, like the man’s car getting sanded-in, or police actually catching up …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff NASA HAS A FREAK OUT, SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE Last week NASA made the HUGE announcement that evidence of flowing water had been discovered on Earth’s closest neighbour: Mars. ALL SCIENTISTS ARE EXCITED. I AM EXCITED. MATT DAMON IS EXCITED FOR THE ADDITIONAL PRESS FOR HIS MOVIE THE …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff BUT FIRST, LET ME TAKE A SELFIE The world is a rapidly-changing place, ladies and gentlemen. Cars are able to phone people, phones have become personal TVs, and monkeys are on their way to achieving copyright. Yes, you heard/read correctly. Remember Naruto, the crested macaque from the Indonesian …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff BORDER FARCE RETURNS By now I’m sure we’ve all heard about the Australian Border Forces’ attempt to conduct ‘Operation Fortitude’ in Melbourne a few weeks ago. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the ABF has now evolved from random street-side visa checks to their new, greater purpose: purchasing $15 000 …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff GUESS WHAT, THE END IS NIGH – AGAIN (AGAIN!) Whilst Australia was recently subject to imminent dam failure and flash flooding (read: Armageddon), the US is now also experiencing its own end-of-the-world disaster.  It’s a big one, guys. The Bubonic Plague has returned. Yes, you heard me (read …

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In Other News…

(Semi)Serious Stuff THE END IS NIGH – AGAIN Armageddon, decimation, apocalypse, the end of the world–whatever you’d like to call it, is here again, ladies and gentlemen. Wild weather has ravaged NSW, and is causing widespread panic in the Jerrara Dam area (near Wollongong), where residents are being told by …

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