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Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

With the announcement of the latest budget, many are outraged at the rising university fees, a consequence of severe education funding cutbacks. But the worst is yet to come, as Treasurer Scott Morrison just called a press meeting to introduce a breathing taxation on all university students nation-wide. “Oh boo …

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Students Shat On By Seagulls And The System

Students Shat On By The System And Seagulls

As if it wasn’t enough that the government pins uni students on the ground to squeeze girthy cables of debt and a dysfunctional housing market all over their chests on a daily basis, an unidentified perpetrator fed the seagulls at Central Station laxatives. The ensuing chemical reaction between avian life and …

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Divorced Father Sad Enough To Believe Pop-up Ads

Divorced Father Sad Enough To Believe Pop-up Ads

A divorced father of three and regular of the community speed dating scene is now sad enough to believe internet pop-up ads. Reports indicates that Ryan Gilroy, 47, owner of five corduroy trousers, has taken to investing a considerable amount of time towards adult themed spam, the likes of which …

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Just In: Local Cricket Captain Only Gives it 200%

Just In: Local Cricket Captain Only Gives it 200%

Scandal reaches the shores of Cronulla, as a local over 20s cricket captain reveals that he only gave it 200% during a recent weekend match. Ben McLachlan, 23, was approached by the press for a post-match interview. He remained unsettled and rather evasive throughout the entire interview. After much perspiration …

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Just In: O-Week 2017

Just In: O-Week 2017

We rounded up the top three news stories for the week. #alternativefacts Instagram upgrades server in lieu of university students’ return from Europe As one year dawns, and another comes in its place, we face the cyclical beauty of nature. In light of their annual homebound migration from Europe, the native …

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