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UNSW and the mystery of the FINS1612 papers

The Mystery Behind The FINS1612 Papers

It’s the news that almost every student dreams of hearing, “Your exam papers have gone missing”. It’s the unearthly fantasy that lives in the buried unconscious of students and haunts them the night before any exam. But you know what they say, “be careful what you wish for” because those …

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Sweaty Bloke Concerned About Winter's End

Sweaty Bloke Concerned About Winter’s End

A resident sweat prone man and white t-shirt enthusiast has raised concerns about winter’s end for obvious reasons. Arthur Tillman, 31, has reportedly been tracking the incrementally rising August temperatures, and warns those with a similar condition to take heed. “This is ridiculous,” says Tillman. “The weather forecast has seen …

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HIMYM Most Heart Warming Moments

HIMYM Most Heartwarming Moments

How I Met Your Mother, is a little bit like the Friends of our generation (though many angry Friends fans would object). That’s probably largely due to the plenty feel good, warm and fuzzy, chicken soup for the soul moments the show supplies. We’ve rounded up some of the best …

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Wholesome Bloke In Early Thirties Still Calls Mate's Parents By Title Surnames

Wholesome Bloke In Early Thirties Still Calls Mate’s Parents By Title Surnames

A wholesome local bloke in his early thirties is reportedly still calling his mate’s parents by their title and surnames despite having known them for well over a decade now. Martin Greer, 33, was sighted taking his shoes off at the door, and sheepishly making his way to the couch …

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DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

A groundbreaking study by ANSTO has confirmed once and for all that DIY restaurants and self-proclaimed culinary experiences are in fact bullshit. This revelation comes to light as the recent trend reaches a fever pitch in popularity. Many have already become disillusioned with the concept of paying to cook their …

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In Memoriam: iPod Nano & Shuffle

In Memoriam: iPod Nano & Shuffle

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here not to mourn a fall, but to celebrate a life. It is a source of great sadness in our collective existence that we all must face an inevitable end. This assured, eventual end is one of the only …

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Uni Contributor Runs Out of Motivation To Compose Punchline Article

Uni Contributor Runs Out Of Motivation To Compose Punchy Article

[Satirical set-up here, try make it topical and format the same way a news site would.] [Additional follow up joke to elaborate on premise– make sure premise is clear.]   [Fake quote from exaggerated character (A)– either really in on the concept or painfully oblivious.] [Build on character based on …

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Local Vegan Feasts on Cardboard and Disappointment

A local vegan has taken to pretending her steady diet of cardboard and disappointment “… isn’t as shit as it sounds…”. Joy Sarrandon, 31, accounts executive at a Surry Hills PR firm, is reportedly surviving on three square meals of Samsung delivery boxes with a side of unfulfilled hunger, supplemented …

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Southern Hospitality

Hospitality sucks. It just does. Let us brood in the pain together as I remind you of the painful realities of slaving away in the hospitality industry. CLEANING Hospitality is 10% service and 90% trying to look busy. In the fits of such a customer rush it seems as though …

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The Weirdest Foods Ever

The Weirdest Foods Ever

Food glorious food what a glorious strange feeling. Everybody loves good nosh, and with the Student Cookbook launch this week, we’ve all got food on our minds. But what about those meals that surpass the boundaries of gourmet, fusion or hipster cool right into the realm of weird food. Read …

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Wellness: A Gratitude Experiment

Wellness: A Gratitude Experiment

A few days ago we asked some students to call up a person they’re grateful for. What happened next was pretty special. Watch the video, feel all the feels and tell a mate how grateful you are for them. Arc’s goal is to put your health and happiness first. Find out …

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New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

A relief fund has been founded for individuals unfortunate enough to be bestowed bogan names. The NGO known simply as For Unfortunately Characterised Kids Owning Failing First-names (F.U.C.K.O.F.F) comes public with this new monetary support system, with high hopes of alleviating the hefty burden associated with being terribly named. “It …

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Tech-free Life; The Beginning.

Tech-free Life; The Beginning

At around five in the afternoon the CBD starts to fill up with tired, empty faces. Edging forward in a weary shuffle; their last dregs of focus relinquished to small, silver screens.  From a distance it’s slightly strange and even sort-of sad. Not the emptiness mind you. Apathy is an extremely …

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Political Comedy And Marzipan Dildos: Armando Iannucci's SWF Recap

Political Comedy And Marzipan Dildos: Armando Iannucci’s SWF Recap

The Sydney Writers’ Festival started off with a bang, bringing Armando Iannucci, creator of hit political comedies Veep and The Thick of It, for its premiere. Iannucci has a knack for creating shows to reflect, and sometimes even accidentally predict, the stupidity of politicians in modern society. Veep coined the term “Continuity with Change” as …

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Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

With the announcement of the latest budget, many are outraged at the rising university fees, a consequence of severe education funding cutbacks. But the worst is yet to come, as Treasurer Scott Morrison just called a press meeting to introduce a breathing taxation on all university students nation-wide. “Oh boo …

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'90s Kids' Finally Shut Up About Being '90s Kids' As Adulthood Approaches

As Adulthood Approaches, ’90s Kids’ Finally Shut Up About Being ’90s Kids’

It comes as a sad truth, but self-proclaimed ’90s kids’ find themselves finally shutting up about being ’90s kids’. The cause? Adulthood, and all the demoralising shit that comes with it. Bleak employment prospects, impossible economies, and a volatile political landscape quite literally liable to explode at any moment, web …

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Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% "Foreign" Ancestry

Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% “Foreign” Ancestry

A local Gen-Y Caucasian woman has proudly announced her 3.125% foreign ancestry. The news comes as Samantha Daniels, 27, learns of her genetic history through dubiously factual gossiping over a family roast dinner this recent Easter break. “I always felt I was more in touch with my non-white friends,” says …

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'13 Reasons Why' Is A Set Back For Mental Health Awareness

’13 Reasons Why’ Is A Setback For Mental Health Awareness

WARNING: Spoilers, mentions of suicide, sexual assault, and rape. Whether or not you love to binge-watch TV series, you have probably heard about ’13 Reasons Why’. Based on the book, the 13 episode Netflix series depicts the reasons behind the main character, Hannah Baker’s, suicide. Since it’s release, the show has …

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The 2017 Bachelorette Has Been Announced And We're All Freaking Out

The 2017 Bachelorette Has Been Announced And We’re All Freaking Out

The moment we have all been waiting for (yep even all of you males who secretly pretend to hate the show but are caught watching re-runs) has finally arrived, perfectly timed during the Logies. It is safe to say that NO ONE. SAW. THIS. COMING! The newest Aussie Bachelorette has been …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Recap Episode 8: Muff Covers

The Real Housewives of Sydney Recap Episode 8: Muff Covers

This week on the Real Housewives: Forget Cointreau and Dom Benedictine, the secret to the perfect Singapore Sling is a healthy dose of Athena motherf*cking X Levendi. MARCO? We open to the glamour of everyone’s favourite not-really-but-kind-of sport, Polo. Krissy and Matty are strutting in slow motion,  straight to the …

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Australian Primary Schools Introduces History of Sporting Sledges to Curriculum

Australian Primary Schools Introduce History Of Sporting Sledges To Curriculum

The NSW Department of Education has announced that primary schools across the state will introduce Australia’s rich history of sporting sledges to the mandatory curriculum, in 2018. This proposed addition to what has been widely considered an “unexciting” national history learning outcome, has received an applaud from parents. “It’s perfect, just perfect,” says …

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Uni Student Celebrates Living in First World Country After Vacation to South-East Asia

Uni Student Celebrates Living In First World Country After Holiday To South-East Asia

A local university student has begun celebrating the fact that he lives in a first world country after returning from a month long holiday around South-East Asia. Darren Hill, 19, currently studying a bachelor of psychology at UTS, expressed his gratitude for Australia’s standard of living, going into detail on what …

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10 Reasons To Celebrate Being Single

10 Reasons To Celebrate Being Single

We all want some love and affection, but is it really worth giving up half your lifestyle? Here are 10 reasons why being single is so great, and a cause for celebration. You don’t have to spend money on anyone but yourself No longer do you have to spend your hard-earned …

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A Definitive Ranking of Celebrations Chocolates

A Definitive Ranking of Celebrations Chocolates

“Celllllabrate good times all right!” who doesn’t remember this catchy one liner from the delicious ‘Celebrations’ ad? Since the catchy jingle hit our television screens in the late 90’s these tasty little buggers have been making waistlines bigger and holidays better. Yet, as with any mixed boxes of confectionary, there are …

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Students Shat On By The System And Seagulls

Students Shat On By Seagulls And The System

As if it wasn’t enough that the government pins uni students on the ground to squeeze girthy cables of debt and a dysfunctional housing market all over their chests on a daily basis, an unidentified perpetrator fed the seagulls at Central Station laxatives. The ensuing chemical reaction between avian life and …

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