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Joshua Hauville

Joshua Hauville

Mediocre at best, abominable at worst.

Flower Power: The Glamour of Flower Crowns

Flower Power: The Glamour of Flower Crowns

Spring has sprung. Plants are blooming, eggs are hatching and the sun is warming. More importantly it’s time to show your creative flair and penchant for being #freespirit with a flower crown. Like a normal crown, only without the royal title, self-dignity and and affluent material. With a small amount …

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Southern Hospitality

Hospitality sucks. It just does. Let us brood in the pain together as I remind you of the painful realities of slaving away in the hospitality industry. CLEANING Hospitality is 10% service and 90% trying to look busy. In the fits of such a customer rush it seems as though …

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Real Housewives of Sydney FINALE Recap: Pigs and Strawberries

This week on The Real Housewives of Sydney: Hypnosis, glitter bombs and ungrateful pigs round out the season. HYPNOSIS First we’re whisked away to an undisclosed location where Athena the eXorcist Levendi is undertaking ‘hypnosis’. The entire scene gives the impression of a high school improv class, but we would expect …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 10 Recap: Interventions and Flower Crowns

This week on the Real Housewives of Sydney: staged interventions, mic snatching and flower crowns. CINEMATOGRAPHY AT ITS FINEST We open to Victoria walking up the hill from Bondi (don’t venture too far Vicki) with her good pal Marilyn, sporting what looks like a pair of footy shorts. The two …

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Greatest Hits From The Greatest Decade

Greatest Hits From The Greatest Decade

The 90’s were a decade of wondrous gifts to the world, including (but not limited to) the world wide web, Jerry Springer, Monica Lewinsky, and yours truly. On top of that the 90’s gave us an overload of amazing musical creations, from grungy rock songs to euro house, to teeny …

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Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 9 Recap

Previously on the Real Housewives of Sydney: BAPTISM WITH A VIEW Nicole, Krissy and Athena enjoy a chill morning swim to wash off the bevies splattered all over them last night. Nicole was none too happy with her “champagne showers”, most likely preferring golden ones. Nicole is equally upset that whilst …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Recap Episode 8: Muff Covers

The Real Housewives of Sydney Recap Episode 8: Muff Covers

This week on the Real Housewives: Forget Cointreau and Dom Benedictine, the secret to the perfect Singapore Sling is a healthy dose of Athena motherf*cking X Levendi. MARCO? We open to the glamour of everyone’s favourite not-really-but-kind-of sport, Polo. Krissy and Matty are strutting in slow motion,  straight to the …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 7 Recap: Fendi Levendi

The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 7 Recap: Fendi Levendi

This week on the Real Housewives of Sydney: The women recover from the tumultuous Persian night and Victoria uninviting Athena causes quite the stir. PEP TALKS First we meet up with Athena X-Ray Vision Levendi, with full hair and make-up DONE, while having a very serious pep talk with her …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 6 Recap: Captain Eyebrows, a Human Painsack

The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 6 Recap: Captain Eyebrows, a Human Painsack

This week on RHOS, Athena The Roman Symbol for the Number Ten Levendi turns up, turns on and turns out, with cameos by six other nobodies. CAVIAR Donning a white power suit, Matty is off to prepare for her upcoming Persian New Year Party, which involves purchasing $1,000 caviar, edible gold …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 5 Recap: Athena X Turf

The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 5 Recap: Athena X Turf

This week on the Real Housewives of Sydney with the help of her good friend Lisa Oldfield, Athena decides to ruin her art career before it begins. WHITSUNDAYS We return to the Whitsundays where Lisa has legged it back to Oldfield Manor and the ladies discuss everything that’s wrong with her. …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 4 Recap: Drowning In It

The Real Housewives of Sydney Episode 4 Recap: Drowning In It

This week on the Real Housewives, the ladies vacationed in the Whitsundays, because they have already destroyed enough restaurants in Sydney. We open to Nicole in the midst of packing for the #girlstrip with her favourite supporting cast members, her children. Packing is an arduous task, but luckily for Nicole …

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Pop Rocks: The Solution To All Your Problems

Pop Rocks

Pop rocks are love, pop rocks are life, pop rocks are here and most importantly, pop rocks are now. If you’re not consuming pop rocks at this very moment, then in the eternal words of Lara Bingle “where the bloody hell are ya?” Pop rocks are omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. …

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The Real Housewives of Sydney: Episode 3 Recap

The Real Housewives of Sydney: Episode 3 Recap

This week on the Real Housewives of Sydney, the ladies dealt with the fallout of Matty and Athena Xymel Levendi’s battle; except for Krissy and Victoria who smartly avoided the drama following the mess of the first two episodes. We open to Nicole delicately sifting flour over her homemade coconut bread, …

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