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Garry Lu

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

DIY Eateries Confirmed As Bullshit

A groundbreaking study by ANSTO has confirmed once and for all that DIY restaurants and self-proclaimed culinary experiences are in fact bullshit. This revelation comes to light as the recent trend reaches a fever pitch in popularity. Many have already become disillusioned with the concept of paying to cook their …

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Uni Contributor Runs Out Of Motivation To Compose Punchy Article

Uni Contributor Runs Out of Motivation To Compose Punchline Article

[Satirical set-up here, try make it topical and format the same way a news site would.] [Additional follow up joke to elaborate on premise– make sure premise is clear.]   [Fake quote from exaggerated character (A)– either really in on the concept or painfully oblivious.] [Build on character based on …

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Local Vegan Feasts on Cardboard and Disappointment

A local vegan has taken to pretending her steady diet of cardboard and disappointment “… isn’t as shit as it sounds…”. Joy Sarrandon, 31, accounts executive at a Surry Hills PR firm, is reportedly surviving on three square meals of Samsung delivery boxes with a side of unfulfilled hunger, supplemented …

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New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

New Relief Fund For People With Bogan Names

A relief fund has been founded for individuals unfortunate enough to be bestowed bogan names. The NGO known simply as For Unfortunately Characterised Kids Owning Failing First-names (F.U.C.K.O.F.F) comes public with this new monetary support system, with high hopes of alleviating the hefty burden associated with being terribly named. “It …

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Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

Government To Tax Uni Students for Breathing

With the announcement of the latest budget, many are outraged at the rising university fees, a consequence of severe education funding cutbacks. But the worst is yet to come, as Treasurer Scott Morrison just called a press meeting to introduce a breathing taxation on all university students nation-wide. “Oh boo …

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As Adulthood Approaches, ’90s Kids’ Finally Shut Up About Being ’90s Kids’

'90s Kids' Finally Shut Up About Being '90s Kids' As Adulthood Approaches

It comes as a sad truth, but self-proclaimed ’90s kids’ find themselves finally shutting up about being ’90s kids’. The cause? Adulthood, and all the demoralising shit that comes with it. Bleak employment prospects, impossible economies, and a volatile political landscape quite literally liable to explode at any moment, web …

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Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% “Foreign” Ancestry

Gen-Y Caucasian Woman Proud of 3.125% "Foreign" Ancestry

A local Gen-Y Caucasian woman has proudly announced her 3.125% foreign ancestry. The news comes as Samantha Daniels, 27, learns of her genetic history through dubiously factual gossiping over a family roast dinner this recent Easter break. “I always felt I was more in touch with my non-white friends,” says …

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Australian Primary Schools Introduce History Of Sporting Sledges To Curriculum

Australian Primary Schools Introduces History of Sporting Sledges to Curriculum

The NSW Department of Education has announced that primary schools across the state will introduce Australia’s rich history of sporting sledges to the mandatory curriculum, in 2018. This proposed addition to what has been widely considered an “unexciting” national history learning outcome, has received an applaud from parents. “It’s perfect, just perfect,” says …

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Uni Student Celebrates Living In First World Country After Holiday To South-East Asia

Uni Student Celebrates Living in First World Country After Vacation to South-East Asia

A local university student has begun celebrating the fact that he lives in a first world country after returning from a month long holiday around South-East Asia. Darren Hill, 19, currently studying a bachelor of psychology at UTS, expressed his gratitude for Australia’s standard of living, going into detail on what …

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Students Shat On By Seagulls And The System

Students Shat On By The System And Seagulls

As if it wasn’t enough that the government pins uni students on the ground to squeeze girthy cables of debt and a dysfunctional housing market all over their chests on a daily basis, an unidentified perpetrator fed the seagulls at Central Station laxatives. The ensuing chemical reaction between avian life and …

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Uni Student Stoked Her Yeezys Survive Rainy Month

Uni Student Stoked Her Yeezys Survive Rainy Month

A local university student is “… stoked…” her Yeezys have survived yet another rainy month despite it being Australia’s token warmer month, essentially proving the existence of global warming. Ellen Simons, 20, currently in her third year of social work at UNSW, had purchased her allegedly “… legit…” Yeezy Pirate …

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