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The Immortalisation Of Food

Was that a moment of hope you felt just then? Let it die. Be fair to yourself.

You googled the place beforehand, just to see how photogenic the food really was…goddangit there’s flowers involved.

Maybe you can order the ugliest thing on the menu….naturally it’s the one thing you’re allergic to……you do have that EpiPen lying around….no that’s too far……….or is it?

Remain calm. You have a secret weapon.


Aaah but that was before the ride here, and the wait to get a table, and the ordering, and the waiting and the chatting.

There it comes, in the hands of that waiter. Just lengthen the distance between your food and you, use your imagination, replay it over and over again. Maybe if you can trick yourself into thinking your food is on it’s way for a good five minutes you can just float in a happy limbo until they let you eat.

It’s in front of you now and your eyes are tearing up a little, you should probably blink. You can smell it now, it’s right under your nose, curse these human senses!

They’re dragging your plate away from you, gathering the plates to the centre for a better photo.

You try to argue with the unnatural stagey-ness of the whole thing. You have their attention.

You try to push it further. Maybe food actually leaving the plate will make for a better picture…..too far. You lost their attention. Now they’re ignoring you.

It’ll be over soon, they’re standing now to get a better angle. A wave of defeat washes over you, should you just join in? No.

You must be strong.

You must resist them.

You must not enable them.

Soon it’ll be over, soon you can eat, soon you can stop planning to order in and never leave the house for the rest of your-

Oh okay they’re done!



About Amandi Fernando

Amandi Fernando
When not laughing at her own jokes Amandi enjoys judging other people's instagram captions and coles runs

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