A resident sweat prone man and white t-shirt enthusiast has raised concerns about winter’s end for obvious reasons.
Arthur Tillman, 31, has reportedly been tracking the incrementally rising August temperatures, and warns those with a similar condition to take heed.
“This is ridiculous,” says Tillman. “The weather forecast has seen an increase of 15% compared to last year… it’s almost as if mysterious emissions have been slowly eroding the outer layers of the Earth’s ozone layer.”
“Something seriously has to be done,” comments Sarah Lopez, 32, close friend to Tillman. “Industrial strength antiperspirant, sweat pouches, anything… clearly the old Rexona isn’t doing it.”
“Hey, you guys hear about the polar bears?” says Xavier Richards, 29, stranger on the street. “Apparently they’re stranded on tiny chunks of ice or some shit… something about melting caps.”
Experts indicate short term solutions such as black t-shirts may resolve the issue on a cosmetic level, though the damage will remain in place, and may even progress to a further stage.
“Well, it’s better than nothing I suppose,” says Tillman.
“And to think people are still denying the existence of the sweat patches,” says Lopez.
“I’m pretty sure the water levels are rising… Why is nothing substantial being done about– what? Sweat patches?” says Richards.
Updates to come.