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Study Shows 'Imagine Dragons' Were Never Good

Study Shows ‘Imagine Dragons’ Were Never Good

A UNSW FASS study has indicated that trashlectric pop and alternashit rock band, Imagine Dragons, were never actually good. This comes to public knowledge in response to an overwhelmingly increasing rate of complaints by fans and otherwise regarding their supposed “… decline…”.

“We felt we had a civic and humanitarian duty to clear the air, as it were,” says Dr. Kayla Ivans, 27, PhD in Basic Logic. “Which is appropriate phrasing because their entire discography reminds me of a lingering fart.”

“It actually didn’t take much effort,” comments August Wainwright-Silove, Masters in Class Participation. “At first you think, ‘Man, that’s a lot of songs to get through…’, but then you realise they’re all the same song… You listen to one, you listen to them all.”

When prompted about the recent findings, the public had this to say.

“It was just such a shock to me, you know?” says Harry Perez, 24, OneRepublic fan. “I was so sure they were good at some point in time, earlier in their career and all.”

“I liked that one song that was in the Assassin’s Creed 3 trailer,” comments Frank Shermans, 28, owner of a studded, leather wrist-band. “That got me geed up to start going to the gym… I still go every now and then to smear my sweat on some benches while lifting weights with incorrect form.”

“Yeah, no shit,” says Yvonne Jong, 25, owner of functioning ears.

A support network has been established to rehabilitate former fans, integrating them back into functioning society. Updates to come.

 

Header Image:  Matthew Kalapuch on Unsplash

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