Final exams are fast approaching and there’s no denying that times are tough. Between all nighters, cramming, and premonitions of failure it’s hard to find time to show compassion for your fellow students and the world around you (in an effort to amass enough good karma for the universe to make sure you pass your courses).
So here’s a compilation of acts of compassion you can carry out to make sure you show the world, and other tired students, that you care.
Reverse Puppy Therapy
Visit the library (at any time of the day) and stay on the lookout for sleeping students. Upon spotting a prime sleeper go over to them and pet them gently and continuously whilst whispering either, “it’s still week two” or “congratulations on graduating top of your class”, lulling them into deeper sleep. Hack into their phones and switch off their alarms so as not to outdo the deep relaxation you successfully bestowed upon your
pet fellow student.
Exam Hall Etiquette
Stand outside exam halls with a giant sandwich board with “WAM” on it. Give out hugs when students file out of their exams. They’ll need to know that their WAM (or at least a guy wearing a shirt with the word WAM on it) is still (affectionately) there for them.
Stand by assignment boxes on submission days with sleeping bags and pillows. Line both alongside assignment boxes. When a student drops their assignment in the box and cries with relief, wordlessly lead them to a sleeping bag and slot them in. Go back to your position by assignment boxes, and repeat.
Set yourself up at a stall with a sign saying “That sucks tell me more” and every so often shout out “Lectures, assignments, submissions, exams, WAM, moodle, turnitin” etc etc. Then sit and listen to the woes and horror stories that final weeks of uni bring.
Start a petition to turn the Quad into one large blanket fort. Or, forget the petition and just do it.