- Fooling people into thinking you have a life.
- Assuming your contacts have telepathic skills, relating to decoding your MSN display name, personal message and ‘music you’re listening to’.
- Connecting with people via short and ineligible phrases, plus symbols, to assert your coolness (“W@sarP gaL, haO Yo0H DOINZ?”)
- Perfecting the ability to blame others for embarrassing and unreciprocated love confessions: “soz my account got hacked, dw about that last message”
You must wait at least 30 minutes before someone comes online to initiate a conversation. You don’t want to appear too eager as if you were anxiously waiting for their name to ‘pop up’ as a notification.
If they don’t commence a conversation with you within 30 minutes, promptly sign in and out for no more than 5 minutes straight to attract their attention. Anything more may be deemed annoying. Update your personal message with a public apology to avoid getting blocked: “Gaiz, I’m re@lli3 s0z, CoMpUt3r brok3!”
If they still haven’t started a conversation after the hurricane of ‘sign in and out’ notifications, change your status to busy after exactly 1 hour. Your status change will be seen as a casual reflection of your jam-packed schedule.
After 2 hours change your status to away, to confirm that your busy status was legit. Why? MSN Messenger automatically changes your status to away if you haven’t been in front of the computer for over 2 hours.
Please note: those who don’t follow the steps in chronological order will be awarded a fail grade. Late submissions will result in harsh penalties.
To appear intelligent, yet simultaneously cool, you must drastically transform the formal spellings of English words from their dictionary form. You should not utilise the dictionary in this unit, as failure to create your own versions of “real” words will result in plagiarism allegations. The more complex, creative and unrecognisable from the original word, the higher your grade.
For example: “cool”. Versions that are acceptable include “kewl”, “k3wl” and “co0lo0s1s”. Replacing letters of the alphabets with symbols such as “@”, “3” or “$” are essential to maintaining your reputation as a true gangsta with a flair for literature. Capitalising letters in the middle of a word is also highly desirable and will boost your marks.
English Extension 1
In English Advanced, you simply had to structure words in a specific manner. In English Extension 1, you must create hidden messages and codes for people to analyse. Every display name, personal message, display picture and “music you’re listening to” must convey a deeper meaning and should aid in constructing your desired persona.
Don’t use anything too literal. Show, don’t tell. For example: If you’re angry, don’t say “I’m angry”. Change your display picture to a raging red landscape, accompanied by an angry anthem like Kelis’ Caught Out There.
Finally, make a highly controversial statement with your personal message (“yeah, whatever”) and change your display name to something cryptic (“you think you know me…lmao k.”) Assume your contacts list has telepathic skills and thus know exactly when your message is directed at them. The person in question should know immediately that you’re talking about them. If they haven’t initiated a conversation, make your clues more obvious. If they never initiate a conversation, you fail by default.
Other Handy Tips To Survive This Degree
- If someone ignores you, virtually nudge them twice and send them a wink. This will ensure their entire screen vibrates and all attention is focused on you.
- Proceed to blame it on your ‘mate’, for ‘accidentally’ playing around with your keyboard.
- Ask them “wuu2”? They will usually say “nm, you?” Quickly end the convo with “gud, soz g2g.”