A relief fund has been founded for individuals unfortunate enough to be bestowed bogan names. The NGO known simply as For Unfortunately Characterised Kids Owning Failing First-names (F.U.C.K.O.F.F) comes public with this new monetary support system, with high hopes of alleviating the hefty burden associated with being terribly named.
“It comes to a point where you say enough is enough,” comments Kyal Ellis, chairperson of F.U.C.K.O.F.F’s board. “I couldn’t simply stand by and watch those similarly afflicted to myself endure the hardship of not being taken seriously… and facing an unjust prejudice.”
“I was once struggling uphill with my disadvantage,” says Nevaeh Jacobs, regional spokesperson for F.U.C.K.O.F.F Sydney. “Our mission statement is to ensure that no child paying for the mistakes of their parents will have to pay any more.”
The monumental act of philanthropy has not gone unnoticed, with the F.U.C.K.O.F.F movement reportedly galvanising masses of the affected together in their common cause.
“I used to think there would be no hope for me,” says Meshell Katherines, hairdresser. “Now… there’s maybe 10% more hope.”
“This is something I will get behind with every fibre of my being,” comments Jaxxyn Edwards, mechanic. “Every day I curse the biological perpetrators responsible for my life… Existence is pain.”
“I don’t know what my parents were thinking,” says Keith Urban, alleged musician. “Just Keith. Key-thh.”
F.U.C.K.O.F.F has since expanded to a 10,000 person strong organisation. They have their sights set on lobbying for legislation restricting the use of “fuckwit” names, the most notable in the past five years being “Khaleesi”. Updates to come.