Scandal reaches the shores of Cronulla, as a local over 20s cricket captain reveals that he only gave it 200% during a recent weekend match.
Ben McLachlan, 23, was approached by the press for a post-match interview. He remained unsettled and rather evasive throughout the entire interview.
After much perspiration and darting of eyes, McLachlan confessed his indiscretion.
“I’m sorry, lads. I just have to come clean”, said McLachlan, “Today was not a 300% effort. I’ve let the boys down, I’ve let the club down… everything’s just down, aye [sic]?”
Fellow teammates of McLachlan were quick to express a collective mixture of both shock and dissatisfaction.
“I still can’t quite believe it”, says Tom Bailey, 22. “I mean… when I heard, all I was thinking was ‘Is this a proper gee up?’ It had to have been a gee up. But no.”
“It happens, mate,” comments Jarryd Yates, 27. “Some of the younger blokes don’t understand it yet, but it takes a lot of someone to give it 300% consistently. Let’s just be thankful it didn’t get as bad as a piss poor 110%.”
When prompted about whether they understood 300% was empirically impossible, both Bailey and Yates became confused, and declined to make any further statements.
McLachlan was last sighted at the local RSL, consuming a notable amount of XXXX Gold.
More details to follow.
By Garry Lu.