Are you a first year tired of the side-eye looks you get whenever you stack it up the Basser Steps? Irritated by those seagull-eyed protestors/obscure society recruiters/overpriced food vendors who just won’t leave you alone? We’ve got a foolproof method for keeping those stink eyes away – because obviously, the best way to survive first year is to NOT look like a first year.
Never ask for directions, ever
You need to appear to know your way around, and asking for help clearly marks you up as an inexperienced first year. Lose the lost-puppy look. Walk with your shoulders aligned. Strut with confidence up those Basser Steps. (Oh, this door doesn’t lead to the bathrooms? Of course, I meant to walk into the cleaner’s storage room).
Wear the same clothes, every day
Who even has time to choose a different outfit for each day of the week? Wear something comfortable, aka something you would sleep in (always be prepared) and stick with it for a good six weeks. Better yet, don’t wash anything (the stench’ll keep those protesters away).
Leave everything to the last minute
The last thing you want todo is to look like an ultra-keen bean because you’re a first year excited to develop healthy long-term study habits! Plus, eye bags from pulling consecutive all-nighters is literally THE hottest look right now.
Make instant noodles your sole sustenance
Student budget, remember? You need to save your money for textbooks, the odd bake sale and those wild Roundhouse parties. Why spend money on being healthy when you can spend it on much more important things?
Obviously uni life is weighing you down. Drop the optimistic attitude, cause the optimism is a foreign word to everyone older than first year. Pro tip – step into the shoes of an older student by thinking about grad jobs, or the prices of houses in Sydney.