Date – Week 6
Patient Name – Every Uni Student
Age – Too young for mid life crises, also a little premature for quarter life crises.
Patient complains about –
- Regular bouts of “just can’t”s
- Physically not being able to become functional by 9am
- Caffeine dependency
- A last minute panic work ethic
- Low to nonexistent motivation
- Chronic procrastination
- Overriding, all encompassing exhaustion (Patient took nap in chair mid sentence for 30 seconds)
Patient asked if two minute noodle poisoning was a thing (?)
Patient also asked how many medical certificates could be obtained at a time. Patient was shifty when asked about intentions.
All questions about lifestyle (exercise, sleep, eating etc) were met with either blank stares or laughter.
- Advice on regular routine and eating habits
- Call their parents (?)
- Move back in with parents (??)
- Hire a nanny (???)
- Form support group for students with multiple assignments due on the same day (…?)
- Send patient home with pictures of a framed degree on a wall (………?)
Update – Patient is back. Something about it being Week 7…