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Doctor's Notes : Uni Student Edition

Doctor’s Notes : Uni Student Edition

Date – Week 6

Patient Name – Every Uni Student

Age – Too young for mid life crises, also a little premature for quarter life crises.

Patient complains about –

  • Regular bouts of β€œjust can’t”s
  • Physically not being able to become functional by 9am
  • Caffeine dependency
  • A last minute panic work ethic
  • Low to nonexistent motivation
  • Chronic procrastination
  • Overriding, all encompassing exhaustion (Patient took nap in chair mid sentence for 30 seconds)

Patient asked if two minute noodle poisoning was a thing (?)

Patient also asked how many medical certificates could be obtained at a time. Patient was shifty when asked about intentions.

All questions about lifestyle (exercise, sleep, eating etc) were met with either blank stares or laughter.

Medication –

  • Advice on regular routine and eating habits
  • Call their parents (?)
  • Move back in with parents (??)
  • Hire a nanny (???)
  • Form support group for students with multiple assignments due on the same day (…?)
  • Send patient home with pictures of a framed degree on a wall (………?)

Update – Patient is back. Something about it being Week 7…

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About Amandi Fernando

Amandi Fernando
When not laughing at her own jokes Amandi enjoys judging other people's instagram captions and coles runs

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