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Doctor's Notes : Uni Student Edition

Doctor’s Notes : Uni Student Edition

Date – Week 6

Patient Name – Every Uni Student

Age – Too young for mid life crises, also a little premature for quarter life crises.

Patient complains about –

  • Regular bouts of โ€œjust canโ€™t”s
  • Physically not being able to become functional by 9am
  • Caffeine dependency
  • A last minute panic work ethic
  • Low to nonexistent motivation
  • Chronic procrastination
  • Overriding, all encompassing exhaustion (Patient took nap in chair mid sentence for 30 seconds)

Patient asked if two minute noodle poisoning was a thing (?)

Patient also asked how many medical certificates could be obtained at a time. Patient was shifty when asked about intentions.

All questions about lifestyle (exercise, sleep, eating etc) were met with either blank stares or laughter.

Medication –

  • Advice on regular routine and eating habits
  • Call their parents (?)
  • Move back in with parents (??)
  • Hire a nanny (???)
  • Form support group for students with multiple assignments due on the same day (…?)
  • Send patient home with pictures of a framed degree on a wall (………?)

Update – Patient is back. Something about it being Week 7…



About Amandi Fernando

Amandi Fernando
When not laughing at her own jokes Amandi enjoys judging other people's instagram captions and coles runs

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