A divorced father of three and regular of the community speed dating scene is now sad enough to believe internet pop-up ads.
Reports indicates that Ryan Gilroy, 47, owner of five corduroy trousers, has taken to investing a considerable amount of time towards adult themed spam, the likes of which entail mature aged singles in his area, seduction tactics, and even “male enhancement” products.
Friends and family of Gilroy have been expressing their concerns for both his mental and physical health.
“The separation was hard on him,” says Daniel King, 44, close friend to Gilroy. “I feel somewhat responsible for this. I was the one that told him to explore the internet. You know… for things.”
“I knew something was up as soon as he refused to have Adblocker installed,” comments Gina Gilroy, 19, eldest child. “No one in their right mind welcomes those ads. But I guess he must have gotten caught up in a fantasy… a fantasy of lies.”
“At this point, it’d be easier on everyone if he just became a sugar daddy to some younger girl,” says Diane Carano, 46, ex-wife of Gilroy. “Less embarrassing too.”
“What’s happening now?” says William Gilroy, 15, middle child.
Gilroy was last sighted sitting across from a rapidly malfunctioning laptop over a candle lit dinner.
Analysts at Norton Security project the computer will soon completely shut down within a fortnight.
“Wait… so those $80 pills don’t work?” asks William.
Blitz has reached out to Gilroy for comment.
By Garry Lu