You’ve just hopped off your plane and are now on Australian shores. Feeling confused? Wondering why the cars are on the wrong side of the road? Welcome to the land down under, Straya! This guide will give you a first-hand comprehensive look at how to survive in this foreign land.
Check your shoes for insects that might have snuck in your room overnight. There’s nothing worse than putting on your shoe and being bitten by a sneaky insect who has claimed your shoe as their home.
Most insects are harmless. The mean streets of Kensington will only leave you open to the local predator known as the brown cockroach. Don’t worry though, it won’t kill you. Generally the greener and bushier the pastures, the more threatening the bugs get. You’re free to relax at UNSW, for the plethora of buildings acts as a buffer.
WARNING: if you come across a spider with a red stripe, leave it ALONE. If the spider is larger than the palm of your hand consult another party.
Do not feed them, no matter how cute they may seem. Just don’t do it.
In regards to birds, pigeons are in abundance just like every corner of the world. The ballsier rats with wings can be found closer to the city, and they get less ballsy as you travel further out.
Seagulls hover outside the confides of the beach, living up to their namesake, ‘sea’gulls. You may see others feeding them. DO NOT BE FOOLED. DO NOT BE A SUCKER. DO NOT FEED THESE BIRDS. They will bring their friends. And their friends will bring their friends, until you’re surrounded by an army of seagulls hovering, wanting not just your hot chips, but you too.
Ibises, otherwise known as bin chickens can be found hanging around bins, scouting remnants of food with their lovely long muzzles. It’s a miracle their white feathers stay that colour, with the amount of scrounging they do. This magnificent demon WILL attempt to eat your food. DO NOT LET IT NEAR YOUR FOOD, the same black beak drinks bin juice.
Magpies, look like crows but instead they have a white streak in their hair to make them seem “distinguished”. They love shiny objects, but not as much as they love their babies. Yes, they are territorial as hell. They will swoop you. They will try to peck you. They may attempt to attack you. Stay away. Stay far, far away.
Cockatoos, Kookaburras, Lorikeets, Galahs, the less vicious birds. Regardless, in Straya you should always err on the side of caution, it’s best to admire from a distance.
Stay tuned for the next instalment of the ‘Australia For Idiots Guide’ coming soon.
By Joanna Sotiropoulos, Macy Colquette, and Harleigh English