Sydney finally has it’s very own reality show centred around affluent, drama driven, outspoken women otherwise known as real housewives. Let’s take a look at who these real housewives are, and how their taglines define them (from left to right in header image).
“Brains and beauty, are my weapons of choice”
Translation: I’m not just a surgically enhanced face.
Comment: I expected better.
“My lips may be fake, but they always speak the truth”
Translation: I will lose my shit when someone inevitably accuses me of lying, because I KEEP IT REAL.
Comment: What lips is she referring to?
“The Athena X of today, took lifetimes to create”
Translation: I’m delusional in the best kind of way.
Comment: Bonus points for high decibel delivery, originality and dancing like a rhythmically challenged aunt at a wedding after a bottle of Yellowglen.
“The hardest role I’ve ever played is just being me”
Translation: Drama scares me and I have no storyline.
“When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you get under someone else’s”
Translation: I’m annoying.
Comment: Krissy “starving for attention” Marsh hands-down wins best opening pose; snapping the train of her dress, kicking out that leg like Angelina Jolie at the Oscars and pouting her lips like the true diva she is.
“My point of view isn’t the only one, but it’s clearly the best”
Translation: I give a lot of unwarranted opinions, so buckle up bitches.
Comment: Points for allusion to drama.
“Beauty queens, can more than handle drama queens”
Translation: The producers are using my E-list title as a way to advertise this show.
Comment: Appropriate elementary play on words but otherwise bland.
By Josh Hauville