Couch potatoes, homies too lazy to look proper for a presentation and plainly indolent peeps, I got your back. Yes it is week seven and eight and you are probably getting down into the grimy piles of work and presentations. Which means first impressions count. So what if you can’t piece together a getup without looking like ‘Tik Tok’ era Kesha stumbling out of the toilet? You can finally shake off your fashion stress because your bi-weekly guide to ridding yourself from judgmental stares without trying too hard is back.
‘Not two sizes too big’ Rule
This is a crucial rule of thumb. I mean think about it. Imagine walking about in shoes two sizes too big? Ever thought your torso enjoyed a top that is way too loose? Yeah you didn’t. So chuck that potato sack of a top and exchange it for a more fitting one.
‘Not two sizes too small’ Rule
A rule as crucial as the first; this rule must be heavily applied. No, we would not like you to look like a sausage roll and no, we would not want your tutor to get the wrong message. That shirt you got when you were a Kristen Wiig but now you’re a Melissa McCarthy, yeah keep that away.
‘No Graphics or Slogans’ Rule
Presentations are boring enough. Nature takes its course and we find our attention drifting to anything minutely more interesting. So if you have a graphic tee or one with a slogan, chances are, we’ll be reading your shirt and not your slides.
‘No deathly bright colours’ Rule
Keep things neutral. This is a classroom, not a road needing a traffic warden. Those overly bright coloured outfits diverts attention away from your glorious brain. Sorry honey, we don’t need a traffic light pole in the classroom.
‘No Thongs’ Rule
Please liberate your toes from the cold and tuck them back in with the warmth of your shoes. Your tutors don’t need to know how many ingrown toe nails you’ve got.
‘No bed hair’ Rule
Your comb is not a vampire and it should not be hiding from daylight. Take it out and use it. Try more Russell Peter’s cleanly cut hair than Russell Brand’s.
So my lazy fellas, with these simple rules you’re off to an amazing start. You deserve those extra points for your swanky presentation, go forth and impress my couch potatoes.