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Every Single Thing That’s Dumb About Taylor Swift

So you may have heard that Taylor Swift facing some controversy in the news recently. However if you’re one of the few people who haven’t heard about this because you’re “too busy right now” and “would you please stop bothering me with petty crap like this, Alex?!?!” then …um sorry where was I? The point is I’ve been disliking Taylor Swift since way before it was cool and as I’m not above beating a dead horse, here’s every single thing that’s dumb about Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift burst onto the pop music scene in 2008 with her wildly successful second album Fearless. The singles You Belong With Me and Love Story had huge crossover success appealing to a wide audience with their authentic portrayal of teenage life. Honestly this album’s pretty decent. Taylor was only 18 at the time so even if she relies on high school cliches its fine. In fact to take anything away from Swift in this moment you’d have to be a real jackass.

Cue Kanye West interrupting Taylor mid speech at the 2009 VMA awards. As we know,  Taylor had just won the award for Best Female Video with You Belong With Me, when a drunk Kanye West apparently taking offence to this stormed the stage, grabbing the mic declaring “Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.” To be fair, Single Ladies is one of the best videos of all time. It even went on to win the video of the year award later that night. So although Kanye is clearly a douche, basic subset theory dictates that he’s a mathematically correct douche.

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Taylor Swift age 14, aka her “awkward phase”

On top of this You Belong With Me sucks! Are we meant to believe that just because Taylor puts on a pair of non-prescription glasses she’s suddenly this unpopular nerd that’s ignored by all the boys her age? If Taylor can’t convince this generically handsome guy to notice her, how the hell are legitimately unattractive people supposed to? Oh but Taylor’s so grounded she doesn’t wear short skirts she wears t-shirts, like literally every single person on earth!

Following the drama at the VMAs Taylor became even more popular as she discarded her country roots to adopt a more broadly accessible sound. However, this success didn’t come without some criticism. Even at the 2013 Golden Globes Amy Poehler and Tina Fey made a joke at her expense. Unfortunately Taylor didn’t see the humour in it labelling the two sexist. Calling Amy Poehler and Tina Fey sexist is kind of like calling Todd Carney a Renaissance Man. Come on Taylor!

 

Taylor has even cult-ivated her own group in the form of her meticulously crafted squad. Information on the squad and their so called goals is scarce. However, sources can confirm that on Wednesdays they wear pink. Based on a swift scroll through Taylor’s Instagram (ha get it? Swift! I’m sorry) we know that the squad splits most of their time together between going to award shows, getting called up on stage during concerts and riding on inflatable swans in a pool. While these rituals may seem innocuous enough on their own, the way Taylor curates her group of friends, mostly made up of models and actresses, can come across as a little domineering. In fact various other people have said so, if only much more eloquently than me.

 

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So this is what people mean by “a silly one”.

 

I’m just sick of her pretending she’s an underdog, who made it where she is against all odds. She honestly didn’t have it that bad. She went to a Montessori school. Her dad spent at least $120 000 on her first album. She grew up on a Christmas tree farm riding ponies!

Overall the way Taylor presents herself as this grounded, awkward, unlucky in love mess just feels exploitative. That’s why I think she’s dumb.

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About Alex McRae

Alex McRae

Alex has been at uni for so long he not only remembers the roundhouse he remembers when schooners at happy hour were $2.50. He’s actually pretty self conscious about his age so try not to bring it up. Certainly don’t chase him down the street swinging a sack full of doorknobs screaming, “thanks for murdering the great barrier reef, Grandpa!!!” He just picked up knitting and spits flames on his mixtape, “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

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