Are you contemplating going freegan because your cooking skills are zilch? We’ve all been there. So here is a handy guide on how to mess up when it comes to the most basic of life skills… feeding yourself.
Defrosting is a mastery skill
The art of defrosting meat while ensuring you don’t set the kitchen on fire is the true test of adulthood. If you want to prevent yourself from getting some nasty disease, make sure you take the meat out of the freezer a few hours before you start cooking. Whatever you do, do not toss the plastic box into the microwave — we can assure you that it will melt and your roommates will not be happy about breathing in toxic fumes. Maybe it’s just best to admit defeat. Maccas run, anyone?
When you knife yourself instead of the avocado
If you’re lazy like me, you hate doing the dishes. Instead of getting out a chopping board which would be the safer and easier option, you’re that guy that holds the avocado in your hand while you slice it. You might start out feeling a little like Gordon Ramsay because you think you got dem skills but trust me, when the knife slips, you’ll be hating your past self.
Oh no, that’s uncooked
It only takes multiple episodes of bathroom diarrhoea to realise that you still haven’t mastered how long it takes to cook meat. You’re also pretty sure that you’re immune to salmonella and every other hazardous bacteria from eating all your half-cooked food. Hot tip: If the meat is still pink it’s probably still Finding Dory. Sashimi is only a viable meal option if you’re in a Japanese restaurant..
Can I microwave this?
I feel you, microwaving is a dangerous escapade. One thing to keep in mind is that not every meal is microwavable. Even if you’re hungry AF, the microwave shouldn’t be the only cooking device used in your house. The oven might look a little scary but, trust me, it’s a better option than eating soggy spring rolls.